And The Day Came When…

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~ Anais Nin

Tightly held, the confines of the structures which have contained me, protected me, hidden me, now feel restrictive.  I now recognize the bindings that surround me.  I now perceive the limitations they impose.  I now desire release.

And yet, it’s a risk.  It’s scary to move out of the comfort zone and into the unknown.  Nothing is assured.  Nothing is safe.  There are no guarantees that it will all work out.  There are no fail-safe plans.

Do I dare disturb the universe?

These words from Eliot’s The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock reverberate in my head.  Do I dare? Do I dare?  And the simple answer is yes.  Yes I do, because as Anais Nin discovered, staying in the bud is too painful. It is too painful to remain arrested in stasis.  It is too painful not to blossom.

And it’s only from that realisation that I can admit that the bud is of my own making.  It kept me safe and secure, and allowed me to define myself according to its limits.  Limits that I imposed upon myself.  But now… but now, it has served its purpose.  It is time to push through, break out, move past and… blossom.

Nervously, at first, I shake loose a few petals.  They unfurl from their captive state, tentative and more than a little awkward.  They fan outwards from the centre and offer thanks to the rays of sun that bathe their brilliant hue in sweet warmth.  A few more petals escape, and then a few more until… until…

There I stand.  Renewed and grateful.  Open and aware. Transformed and blessed. Unapologetically, quintessentially, honestly me.  Just me. And it is enough.

This post is a contribution to Robert Hruzek’s group writing project at Middle Zone Musings: What I Learned From the Plant World.